Manifest Slowly





This week I had a ton on my plate including my usual graveyard work schedule, a last minute Mickey Mouse specialty cake (I’ve never done a specialty cake before so that required a ton of research) and my first meeting with my photography mentor and photo group which was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! 

A dream come true actually.

It is Friday, which is my Monday and honestly, I haven’t had a true day or night off this week. Yes I am stressed, and per day I’ve been running off of  4 hours of sleep to complete 13 hour days to get everything done. The feeling of accomplishment, however hasn’t exactly turned out to be satisfying. I still feel extremely stressed out and sleep deprived. Stress has been turning my dreams into nightmarish circus rides that leaves me waking up abruptly in tears and cold sweats. Safe to say I need to find a legit way to maintain my stress level.

Everything this week work wise has been great.

Sometimes I forget my own talents when I am focused on my stress and negative perceptions of myself. I don’t think other people realize how much their “likes” and words of praise and encouragement means to others. Sometimes that “omg that”s amazing” is all I really need to keep going because often times before I hear that I am seriously doubting myself and getting caught up in my own feelings about what I could have done to make my projects better.

The photos shown are just a small snippet of my first experience with a macro lens. My photo group was so great at mentoring and teaching me the ins and outs of my camera and they had plenty of lenses and equipment I hadn’t previously heard of that they allowed me to play with. This macro lens significantly increased the effect of flower shots. I created a morning macro series for my personal instagram because looking at these photos truly brightens my own mood everyday and I feel it is up to me to share it with others who may also be feeling down.

At the end of an 8 hour day of shooting, we all sat down to dinner at an amazing Thai restaurant in downtown Sacramento called Ma Jongs. At the end of the meal, a member of the group passed around fortune cookies and we took turns reading them aloud.

Mine said, “You are doing well in your business.”

I quickly chucked it to the side as trash . I don’t have my own business, so obviously at the time I had nothing to relate it to. One of the O.G mentors told me sometimes fortune cookies are simply good for wisdom only and not exactly telling you your future which is usually how I look at them anyway but…. business?

Then today I realized that, hey. I am doing well in my business.

This week has been hell. No sleep, lots of side projects, stress and changes at my job, research, and investing every penny and ounce of time I had to spare into climbing the necessary steps I have to take to reach my ultimate goal : to work for myself.

Sure I have not reached that goal yet and I am probably quite a ways away but I am indeed doing well when it comes to accomplishing it. I’ve been planting seeds, investing in myself, getting up and DOING as opposed to sitting on my ass THINKING about it and dreaming. All of the ups and downs, successes and failures, losses and gains, tears and smiles, racing thoughts and organizing can only be just a glimpse into what it really takes to be a one woman army.

I’ve learned where my passion truly lies. Within all of these projects I’ve learned what makes me happy and what doesn’t and what types of things I really DON’T want to do or deal with even if I am good at it.

And it’s simply put that I have to go through all of this to prepare myself for all that I’ve been asking for in my life. You can’t get to number 10 without going through steps 1-9.

And the fact of the matter is, I DID IT! on my own.

Yes, I stuck to my guns. I planted those seeds. I bit off more than I could possibly chew but I made it all happen. I didn’t back down from ANYTHING I committed to. I learned and accomplished so much more within these last few days than I have in any classroom anywhere and I shocked myself.

That was all I needed.


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