February has been interesting to say the least.
Let’s take a walk, shall we?
I’ve been feeling like I’ve hit another transitional period in my life, however I have no idea how my life is about to change. How do we ever know, right? So I’ve been kind of going with the flow this year and following my heart and wherever my happiness leads me because, duh, that’s what I’m ultimately striving for in life : happiness. And keeping myself happy is an art and something that is always requiring something different. The job is never done.
This month started with an all-girls trip out to the city (san francisco) for the first weekend of the month. It was a pretty ok trip. I had the most fun on the hike to the top of Mt. Tamalpias than I did the day and night before during the wild night life shenanigans.
At the time of the hike I was going through a rough patch mentally that continued on with the rest of the month. Once I reached the top and saw the world from a different angle, I was suddenly aware that things weren’t so bad. It’s always the same outcome. Once I get a view from a different perspective, usually from being in nature and seeing how massive the earth is, I realize just how small I am, how tiny and insignificant my own problems are and how silly I’ve been to have made such big deals out of things that really won’t matter in the short run.
I’m just so hard on myself. Always.
I feel like I am never where I want to be. Like I don’t have what it takes to actually get to where I want to be nor have I ever really known what my aim in life was or is. But it’s ok for me to be this type of person, going with the flow and seeing where life can take me. I can’t let the fact that my perception that everyone else around me has it all together and figured out make me feel inadequate because, let’s face it, it’s a rare and mythical sighting to really witness a human being who has it all together and figured out. We don’t. We are all just, doing our best day to day. Hopefully.
The month, for me, did become very dark towards the last week and a half. I felt like something was missing. I was in a dark place, unmotivated to do anything. My creativity waned, I had no desire to see the sun, no desire to go to work. I felt like I was on the wrong path in my life and that everything was going wrong. Other people, once I confided how I was feeling, pretty much were shocked at how I felt, because to them, I was the one who had it all together. I was the one they could learn something from.
Never would I have thought. I feel like I am the last person due to have all her shit together.
Despite this, I aimed to try something new. The idea was that maybe I’ve simply grown out of what I’m doing and that it’s time for me to take the next step. I set out to find new opportunities I may be interested in and began applying left and right to see what would come back to me because maybe it is time for the next step in my career. The last day of the month ended with me securing a position with an amazing company that has been in the works of expanding nationwide and because of that, management has made it clear how many opportunities are currently available with the company since they aim to promote from within. I’ve been very diligent in showing my interest in certain opportunities with them and I can only hope that maybe this is my next step.
I am still going strong with my other job. No plan to quit just yet, however I truly think there is always a way out of whatever funk a person gets into, whatever unhappiness a person feels, and there is always an abundance of opportunities available. However, sometimes I forget that. Going out there and showing my face has really lifted my spirits enough to begin March with a positive attitude and the motivation to reach my goals and get everything done.
I feel like I have to learn everything from the bottom up. I would love to take on some entrepreneurial endeavors and have my own business up and running someday in the near future, but in reality I need to learn the ropes…
Learn the ropes without going back to school, hopefully. Tons of people are doing it and I know I can too if I put in the leg work. I feel that is what my life is ultimately leading me to, I just need to stay focused, stop having these constant pity parties for myself and realize I am right on track for whatever is destined to come to me. I am doing really well, if I say so myself. I do have a lot of my shit together it’s just….. not the right kind of shit. Not the kind of shit I want to settle down with.
Next month, in April, I have a very exciting trip to Oahu planned for myself. I will be going alone just to clear my head, put things into perspective enough so that I can come back to the mainland in attack mode. There is so much I want to accomplish this year and next year and I feel like it will all come into fruition so long as I stick to my guns.