The Split Second

Since I last updated, I wish I can say everything has been candy and roses and, at first, I was planning to update my blog with all sorts of travel adventures that took place in Southern California: all the food I was eating, all the sights I saw, all the experiences I had but one month after I came back home to NorCal I was severely injured in an auto accident.

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What people don’t talk about openly after car accidents is the tremendous amount of pain & mental stress they endure and the excruciating length of time these stressors last for. They don’t talk about how one minute everything is fine and flowing into your life, abundance is coming from this way and that then a split second later….

you can no longer walk by yourself.

you can no longer bathe yourself.

you can no longer work.

your legs collapse from under you as multiple spasms tears down your back.

After several seemingly life saving visits to the chiropractor per week and time and effort, I’m happy to say I am able to walk on my own again albeit not very far without a break and god forbid I don’t have my handy back brace on!

Before all of this, I was on the up & up in my career. I had changed my job from something I absolutely hated and joined up with a restaurant that was fun and energizing! I loved my team and loved going to work every morning. I was promoted fast and In May I was sent off to Los Angeles to train for management. After lots of adventure and plenty of saving I came home and was able to finally buy myself a car! I was so excited about it and immediately jumped into the car owner life trying to go everywhere and avoid staying in my apartment as much as possible.

And exactly one month later… BAM! Car completely totaled.

No Car.

And now I’m completely terrified of getting another car and driving again. Although the accident was not my fault, I was still made aware very upfront by my injury that even though I may feel in control all the time, I’m not. There are distracted people on the road, there are ¬†people on medication, on drugs, on alcohol. There are the elderly who have no one else to rely on to get them around, there are several chain reactions from the actions of others than can seriously cause someones life to turn upside down and sometimes, even end in serious injury or death.

I had no control over the situation. It happened to me.

So during these 2 months post injury I’ve been in a very dark place. I missed a trip to Puerto Rico with my mother for our birthdays and ended up, instead, staying in a dark room crying, in pain, feeling sick about life.

Then I remembered my hobbies. I remembered all of the things I loved to do and see before this. I remembered my blog, my camera, my youtube channel. I remembered all of the plans I had for myself, all of the things I wanted to do and I had to truly do the work to overcome my depression enough to be able to be creative again. To feel like what I put out was worth putting out….

And now I’m returning to what I love. I’ve returned. I need to create. I need to write, to record, to edit videos and photos. I need to cook, and teach, and journal, and document, and travel and learn and read. I need to do all of these things to thrive and keep my mental space clear and free of these spiraling & sabotaging negative thoughts.

Traumatic events and even near death experiences seem to change people for the better in the long run most times from what I’ve seen. However, it is a choice. One can either choose to let it affect them negatively day to day or choose to focus on the positives & persevering thought. We always love ourselves better after we see the butterfly we become after persevering through dark times.

At least I do… So I’m back at it.


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