Defying Statistics: Being The Change I Needed to See.

12.16.2015. Sacramento, ca. Personal Update 

I’ve been lost in a melancholic reverie for the last two days. There comes a point in time where you just can’t stomach the idea of living at home again especially if you come from a broken one full of family members with a bunch of mental issues of their own. It’s also frightening to see my own issues manifest in them and feeling the contagiousness of it all.

Family was meant to serve as a backbone for all members in it, unless said family is completely full of shit. Like the type that disowns their kids when their partner isn’t the right skin color or gender. Or the type that abandons their kids so they can go smoke crack in the alley.

I’m a lucky one that comes from a family that would never allow me to be homeless or hungry, however I still feel the same lack of support that  others feel. As I grow older I see that the lack is not stemming from a negative place, but more so from my family’s lack of experience in everything I envision for my own life and I’ve learned to take it with a grain of salt and be on my merry way.

It led me to become strong minded.

There’s so much love pouring from the heart of my Mother and Grandmother, and my younger siblings have shown me how to be a positive older sister for them. It’s great to know that I am giving them something to look up to and aspire to be, because although I do have an older brother and although my whore of a father left me on this earth with 8 other sisters, not one of those siblings ever offered anything for me to look up to.

None of them offered me the support I needed. Rarely even a conversation. And my father, God rest his soul, didn’t exactly leave behind the image of the type of man I would ever want in my life.

This post is sounding really negative but it’s nearly impossible to ask a person to share their truth without encountering any real life problems such as this. I do believe that I am in the right direction by seeing things this way. In the past,  I viewed myself as just very unlucky with all of the life circumstances I had to face growing up, but I realize now in my mid twenties that I’ve been playing the hell out of the cards I’ve been dealt.

And I continue to do so.

As a black woman, statistics says that my life in retrospect was supposed to leave me as a teen mom, high school drop out, possibly diseased and on welfare with a butt load of “baby daddies” by this point but instead I am a successful chef, writer and traveler. Financially savvy, unmarried, childless, and ambitious. I have managed to achieve most of my dreams at a young age and I still look good if I do say so myself. And the amazing part of it is, I coached MYSELF on how to get here. I guided MYSELF on how to be this woman.

This is success for me. We all have to define our own.

This rocky journey I’ve lived is destined to serve a higher purpose. Whether it’s to become a great mother to a future family or to continuously serve as a role model for whoever finds me or draws inspiration from me whether I know of it or not. I’ve wanted nothing more but to escape from and to break the cycle.

&I’m already there.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Defying Statistics: Being The Change I Needed to See.

  1. I like personal stories such as this. I suppose some would see it as a negative post but as you said it’s just real life. I like writing personal posts but sometimes I feel it comes off as me feeling sorry for myself or looking for sympathy. I write them because I enjoy writing them and I think people would enjoy reading them.

    Dealing with people who have a mental illness is tiring whether it’s a diagnosed mental illness or not. Makes you want to be one of those people who goes into the woods forever.

    8 sisters? Whoa! My grandmother had 9 kids and her husband didn’t provide much of anything. He was basically a house ornament that needed maintenance every day. I suspect the lack of a male influence in that era of my family was detrimental all the way to my generation.

    I agree that you have done well for yourself. You definitely have a good head on your shoulders.

    Like

    1. I wish more men would understand and care about the detriment they will cause for not only their immediate offspring but for future generations as well because you are right, it doesn’t just stop with that one child or that one woman. it takes forever to heal and get back on track. Whenever I want to write of something personal I always shy away from it because I don’t feel it is positive or that people would be uninterested however if I don’t, It just ends in a shit wreck of writers block. you’re always so supportive though thank you!

      Like

      1. I think the damaging effects of the lack of a strong male influence in a family has only recently entered the consciousness of society. It seemed like for a long period of time while I’ve been alive the notion was that it’s all on the individual to succeed and that your circumstances play no role.

        I didn’t know I was coming off as supportive..haha. I feel that our thinking is similar so it’s easy for me to connect.

        Like

      2. That’s awesome..haha.

        On an unrelated note…from my understanding, you are probably not getting any exposure through the WordPress “reader” aside from your followers because you are using too many categories and tags on your posts(A combination of 15 maximum). Plus you probably would want to use more of the WordPress related tags. You can read more about it on this link

        https://en.support.wordpress.com/topics/

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.