When you take a week off from the internet, you are automatically dead. Especially if you’ve been posting everyday to three times a week. But ALAS! I am here.
Don’t worry, nothing particularly exciting has happened since I last posted if you don’t count me hysterically crying and laughing at a random crowded restaurant bar while chugging amber colored beers and birthday cake shots with my best friend from high school last Thursday.
Now I am watching a t.v marathon of classically terrible Freddy Krueger films that somehow used to terrify me as a kid. This also means I’ve been doing nothing with my time other than ruminating and counting down the days until I leave for the islands.
I haven’t worked since July and it has been a long and much needed break from my previous workaholism. However, the bulk of those 5 months weren’t spent as unemployed, instead it was spent as me crippled, disabled, and suicidal after a terrible car-wreck. It has only been a few weeks now that I’ve been officially unemployed while my body has been fully functioning.
I had this idea that I would take some time off from the working world, enjoy this lovely body of mine, and clear my head of anxieties before returning to work sometime next year. I aimed to spend the bulk of 2016 traveling and building connections with other human beings since all of my days have been spent secluded and sedentary this year, however this boredom I’ve been feeling since being off work has been CONSTANT!
No longer are we desperate humans foraging around and hunting for food everyday and migrating for the winter. Once you have a roof, running water and a fridge full of food, your brain and body begins to literally scream at you to give it some kind of meaning for existing.
Perhaps my perspective will change once I take my trip and return, because what I don’t want to happen is to return to work and have it take away the parts of myself I now want to flourish. My dreams have been changing and while being in the restaurant industry is fun and fulfilling for me, it rarely offers the time and flexibility I will need to manifest the other things.
Over the last week I have begun to build relationships with other traveling internet folk which has been a partial dream come true. I ultimately would love to write for a publication, or mentor others in my same dream, or join forces with other women to create something bigger in relation to the travel industry. It’s something I want to invest my coins, time, and mental focus in so that hopefully in the next 3-10 years I can give birth to something great; even if it’s just my very own world view.
Before digital nomadism became a thing, I was in culinary school with a plan to use my skill to support myself around the world but now that I am in the beginning stages of planning my first international trip, my nerves are wrecked. When you see how hard you’ve worked and how close you are to manifesting your very own dream singlehandedly, failure can becomes way more comforting than the success that is finally within in arms reach.
You know what’ll happen if you fail; we never know what will become of us once we are successful. We just know something big will change in us.
Now it becomes a game of second-guessing. Asking myself if I am ready, how to get ready, why haven’t I stayed ready? Fearing both failure and success simultaneously.
And staring at the t.v questioning if I am really witnessing Johnny Depp in this horrible Freddy Krueger film.
Google says yes. 1984.