The greatest Christmas gift this year came in the form of a simple but long phone conversation with my Godmother on Christmas day. I hadn’t seen or talked to this woman in years. Maybe since I entered my 20’s.
We caught up and she learned of just how bad my post-accident injuries were and behold, she has been going through the same thing pain-wise that has forced her into early retirement before she was financially ready. We are now both in the same boat of trying to figure out what the hell to to with our lives, how to make a living, and a whirlwind of pain and emotions before our time to actually retire.
She described me as a creative. An artistic individual who excels in making things visually appealing whether through photography, food, or drawings. She also described me as an out-of the box thinker and fantastic writer. Her dream for me is to earn a fine arts degree, and although I never felt college was for my wallet, every possibility is now going into consideration.
This reconnection came at a great time with it being Christmas and right around the corner from the New Year in which I felt pressure to hit the ground running to figure my shit out. She gave me the advice to honor the call I feel in my heart. There is a reason why certain passions and ideas are put into the hearts of each of us and the most destructive thing we can do to ourselves is to not honor that call and to not become it.
We can live 40 years dealing with the same nagging sensation in our chests, dreaming the same dreams we did as a kid and never honoring our gift. Never discovering what could be on the other side of “what if?”.
“What is the thing you can do every single day of your life with absolutely no regard for money or compensation?” she asked me. A rhetorical question. That, she says, is our passion. That, she says, is the thing we were put on Earth to do. And as much as I’ve always believed this, when you are living it and seeing no benefit, it becomes a different story. We don’t always get to witness the impact we have on other people, nor are we ever able to see what our futures hold for us or how the things we are doing right NOW are preparing us for the later on.
For some of us it is writing, cooking, traveling, photography, acting or singing. Sometimes it is simply showing support to other people, motivating other people. The things that come naturally to us that we see as having no value can absolutely be the most valuable thing that we could offer the world in this moment. Even if it is knitting or making gourmet caramel apples.
Showing your support to someone else can nurture a person into becoming a very important public figure, or singer or entrepreneur. Motivating other people can birth a new generation of game-changers. Being a writer can inspire other people to become their best self, to laugh, & to live another day. It’s not so much the monetary gain or following that we should focus on because the people that do find us when they find us were meant to be.
No one in my life knows I carry a small-time blog and vlog channel. I haven’t told anyone because the last time I did this 7 years ago, I was severely judged and had virtually no support in my real life but all of the support from the internet. Nowadays I’m way at the bottom with no guarantee of getting back to where I was before I quit. Now into adulthood I see that it is no one’s job to be my cheerleader. It is no one’s duty to support my dreams or hold my hand. I have to do the things I feel called to do whether I have support or not. Friends and family, will typically only support you in the direction in which they think your life should go, but no one on earth but us knows what we have brewing inside. No one but us knows our capabilities.
Example: My family would have ever guessed I would become a chef. My godmother included. Growing up I never showed interest in cooking AT ALL . I don’t eat sweets, so becoming a pastry chef was also a pretty weird occurrence. The entire time I was in culinary school, my family talked shit: “How are you going to be a chef when you don’t ever cook dinner? you can’t cook! Like wtf are you doing? hmm, wasting money?” They laughed in my face but OBVIOUSLY didn’t know what they were talking about. I was at the top of my class, and that lack of support could have easily caused me to give up had I not known myself and chose believe them instead.
On Christmas day my Godmother told me that I should start a blog because I’m a great writer. She probably hasn’t even read anything I’ve written since I was a child so, obviously, I took her words as the universe speaking to me to keep my blog going. WordPress sent me an notification last week in celebration of 2 years of blogging but, to be honest, I’ve probably written more posts from November 2015 to December 2015 than I did in the entire two years this site has been “active”. And it was only in the last month that I’ve been writing that I’ve gained the few followers that I have. I still feel as if I have no direction with it, but I’ve kind of given up on figuring it out. You can’t choose what kind of child you give birth to.
She went on saying I should start a youtube channel whether it’s a cooking channel, a video blog, or whatever the hell I want. Yes, I did that this year also. Neither one of these projects has gained much of a following but this time around, it’s hard to quit because I’m getting older (yes I still look like a teen) and as I age (beautifully) it becomes harder and harder to disregard the things that bring me happiness. I care less about the outcome and more about doing it.
If you’ve made it all the way to the end of this picture-less and very wordy post, I appreciate you and you were meant to receive this same message. Best of times to all of us in the New Year!