A Choice Born of Madness.

Sacramento, Ca. Jan.05.2016

Another rainy day and it’s destined to last most of the week so let’s not be redundant. People can describe days like this as gloom and doom, but coming from a place of perpetual sunshine, this weather holds the key to rejuvenation. Only when I have to face the storm in order to feed myself does my mood turn stale.

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Today I had a conversation about how self-employment has been a healthy and enjoyable experience for this point of my life and I want to continue my growth in it. But, in the same instance there is something in me that aches to go back to work. Go back as a pastry chef and split my time in half because this does get lonely for me especially after moving to a city where I have yet to meet new people. And, hey, I still love to do what I went to school for just as much as I love photo & writing.  And “I live in L.A now! Can you imagine all of the things I can learn, all the people I’ll meet?”… and yada yada.

I then read a post elsewhere giving the pros & cons of retail and was immediately drowned in every negative memory of the Vampires of Capitalism. I also was reminded of just how many worlds apart from humanity I consistently seem to feel although it has been evident that I’ve become more in tune with my own.

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A drastic change of perspective could have led me to be the happiest rat in the race, however I never chose to take a company’s request that I dedicate more hours of my time and mental space as encouragement to continue delivering to them my best. In fact, it feels counterproductive and like a ripoff when companies insist on writhing their way out of offering health coverage to the driving forces of their success.

The powerful short story we were all told as a kid, and possibly ignored until adulthood: “You can do anything, be anything you set your mind to” is still relevant and true to all things. Even happiness, falling in love, and the spaces in which we find our contentment.

It is decision. And it is preference.


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