Today was orientation for a new job I was hired for. This is Adulting 101 that I expected to grow out of before 30 but here we are and here we may be again.
The start of this job marks the completion of my
goal to leave the restaurant industry and my career as a chef in establishments permanently. Saying goodbye to an entire career that survived me through my twenties was bittersweet all of the days leading up to the last. Reminiscing on where I started and all of the ups and downs I’ve taken on the journey: my first job as a pastry artist at the top establishment in my city and fucking hating it to the core. My days making salads and pancakes for shitty restaurants, steaks at various temperatures for brilliant suit and tie places serving senators and mayors. Making Bearnaise, Au Poivre, and pesto on the fly. Cajun Lamb, Pan Seared Duck medium rare, being video taped murdering a live maine lobster for service, and casually snacking on Foie Gras placed upon a deep fried crostini with a cognac and espresso reduction drizzled on top when I was bored and hungry.
But, of course, by the time my last day came around, I was over it and confident in my decision to enter a new phase.
It sucks that I can’t say where exactly I work now but it is a huge corporation that will help me to expand my knowledge on a very specific area that I am currently in business doing but, of course, on a much smaller scale. This is my very humble beginning. This is the first job as an adult that grants me full benefits for myself which lifts such a huge load. I can use some new reading glasses and therapy.
(This is also the 4th job I’ve had in 2018. I’ve come a long way and my curiosity and bravery can lead me to some fantastic places. And some very bad ones.)
I believe all of my job hopping and lack of commitment to unsuitable pursuits has lead me to be a very well rounded independent and multifaceted young woman who’s happy in several different ways of life and earning. But in the end my heart and mind still lies in creation.
I spent most of my twenties off of the social media sphere because I kept running into the same issues of people not truly getting to know or liking me for me but for the false pixelated version of what they expected, dreamed or nightmared me up to be.
Once I partially came back on the various platforms at the beginning stages of my business, I noticed that I quickly attracted the same attention of others who saw some potential in me I didn’t see in myself at that point in my life. Unfortunately, a harsh truth I’ve learned over the last two years is that the people who I may genuinely care about and want the best for, generally only ever wanted what was “best” for me if what was “best” for me meant they could also have a piece of whatever pie they saw the potential of me cooking up.
It could be said I need thicker skin to be successful in business, or to take emotions out of everything to do with it but I had to be real with myself and come to terms with the fact that that isn’t me. I can quickly ruin what could be an entire beautiful journey of growth and learning for myself by getting involved too quickly with the wrong people with impure intentions. There are plenty of people who can quickly sense your weaknesses and prey upon that by showing how much better they are in those areas for a piece of the pie. Business is business in the end. And In 2017, I turned down $30,000 worth of investments into my company purely off bad vibes alone and remained the sole investor until I felt my time was here and that was the right move to take on.
It was too much anxiety around the situation for me and “too much anxiety” for me, means that something is off that I am not seeing with my own eyes. I decided to remain indie with my brand, take the pressure off, be patient and let it grow slowly, however it may, but to stick with it. I want to do the work, invest my own, learn on my own, and release the pressure of a bunch of visions that belong to everyone but myself.
My business has now become the first “job” I’ve stuck with, and passionately so, for two years. And the reality is, I use no other products from any other company on my own skin so, business or not, money or not, this is what I will be doing possibly for the rest of my life. Knowing I can only get better at my craft and formulations over the course of my life, especially after reading old blogs from when I first started, It makes me eager to just see where the project ends up.
After my last day as a chef, I came home to my guy and pups, randomly deleted my socials and fell back into the happy bubble I’ve cultivated. Where it is just real life, real love, and real support. Christmas lights still lighting up my balcony halfway through the year, healthy food in our bellies and a 2 year plan before us.
Seeing the goings on of other people’s lives makes me forget how content I am to also be living in my OWN simple fruitful design. I have everything I’ve ever wanted and needed and my own journey still remains inspirational to others who I may never meet or see.
And when I do, I see that It’s all a circle.
I can’t give up. But I can evolve.